It hurts

Mom. I know I am so silly and bad. But I don't know that if I heard this kind of thing from people, it hurts me badly.

Mom. I was imagined my life that could be happy, live my own things freely without any hesitation and judgment from surround me. I shouldn't have to think what others thinking of me as long as I will deliver good things to them.

Mom. I thought that everyone was that kind and honest. There is not a glance to think that people will judge me so harshly like now.

Mom. You have told me that. But when it was happened to me, it IS really hurt. So bad.

But I know that from the start and I want to challenge my self, if I could find the place that accept my self as me, without me should use any poker face?

And I just got the result that this place is not the one I looking for. Not the one that could give me a freedom to think and deliberate things, to accept my own color mixed with them, reject creativity and bravery. I just wanted to try and just got the result that this one is not the one. But still after you engaged with them, you started to love the situation and comfortable with it. But I know that place is not the one... but I just felt so hurt.... rejected by this kind of thing.

One of them told me that I should go to a better place, to the fittest one with me and I should behave and adaptable with the situation more harder. Because still.. you are nothing. Nothing. You should be calm and read carefully the air to learn how to act.

Ah..... I should learn and move on. Because God already gave me this chance to learn first before involved with the real one. Because I have to success. I have to.

Semangat! :)

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