It hurts

Mom. I know I am so silly and bad. But I don't know that if I heard this kind of thing from people, it hurts me badly.

Mom. I was imagined my life that could be happy, live my own things freely without any hesitation and judgment from surround me. I shouldn't have to think what others thinking of me as long as I will deliver good things to them.

Mom. I thought that everyone was that kind and honest. There is not a glance to think that people will judge me so harshly like now.

Mom. You have told me that. But when it was happened to me, it IS really hurt. So bad.

But I know that from the start and I want to challenge my self, if I could find the place that accept my self as me, without me should use any poker face?

And I just got the result that this place is not the one I looking for. Not the one that could give me a freedom to think and deliberate things, to accept my own color mixed with them, reject creativity and bravery. I just wanted to try and just got the result that this one is not the one. But still after you engaged with them, you started to love the situation and comfortable with it. But I know that place is not the one... but I just felt so hurt.... rejected by this kind of thing.

One of them told me that I should go to a better place, to the fittest one with me and I should behave and adaptable with the situation more harder. Because still.. you are nothing. Nothing. You should be calm and read carefully the air to learn how to act.

Ah..... I should learn and move on. Because God already gave me this chance to learn first before involved with the real one. Because I have to success. I have to.

Semangat! :)


Old me

Looks like someone is having fun with his little heart falling in love with his new crush, his ideal type. And someone over here really got sick of it and wishing them a happy joyful relationship. I never knew that my imagination when I met her a long time ago and had a little chit-chat talking about him, and though that they maybe fitted together, now really happen that they DO together. for the sake of God, why you have to telling me before?

I don't know but he was really matters for me once and now I just wishing him happy. I do not know whether he will give me the invitation, if yes, so it must be a sad ending for my first love story, doesn't it? well, whatever.


Now going to the last month of being an intern, and I becomes more relax and enjoy the time I shared with them. But yesterday, when I was decided to (maybe I will accept the job offering), I read my write titled 'Last chapter and new hope' and I was shocked that what I just wanted to do really going reverse to my old self. and I feel so shame with that. because I forgot with my own promise and principle, I just come here without thinking twice and pessimistic.

So, I made a conclusion, a really better one.