I wonder why

Some said I am a complex woman, some said I am a cold-hearted one. I agree with that label but particularly only for love matter. Since I do not want to deeply involved with those kind of things just because it will waste my time. Too much drama and unimportant things will happen. Also hurt feeling that could not be avoided in love relationship.

With those reasons, I wonder why should not me also avoiding to have a relationship with friends? like best friends? since they also human and need my thought and care, as well as boyfriend. I do not why but I just realize this side of perspective right now.

I do not how often I told my stories about how harsh and tough my struggle to keep understand in my friendship. I remember sometimes I could shed my tears just because my friends forget to asked me out with them (back then I way too over sensitive, since I was lonely in boarding room and felt cornered). I could spent many hours just to chit-chat with my friends, forgetting all materials for exam, just for having fun. Then I also forget that maybe in relationship with boy, you may be not to receive the pain every time, but also joy and happiness came along together. I forgot those things, I always put up my naive and coldness principle, that I hate male creature, their egoism and high pride. I am way too generalize Mars-kind. I feel so stupid.

One of the strongest reason that I believe is that I could not have a commitment, since I always get boring in short time for everything. But, hey! you know what? I have two best friends from junior high school until now (yes, 8 years straight) whom always support and listen to me, wherever and whatever they do. Somehow I wonder, is there anyone out there could be possibly way more understand and care of me more than my two best friends? if yes, then maybe I could spend years with him. I am not saying to live ever after, just being realistic.

I wonder how much time could lead changes to me. And you, could you please stay with me here to listen what I am doing tomorrow and after? thanks for visiting and happy new year!