Honestly I don't feel well. I do not know whether it because this problem. I think, I have two best friends in college life. Both are from my boarding house. We knew each other and related from the first mid-term test. It was a beautiful moment when we spent time together and struggled for raised the highest scores, against each other in peace, knowing each other scores and GPA. It was sweet, but I think, I'm too emotional and take it so seriously because this moment. I think, they just consider me as a study-friend, not a true friend. I was thought about that because lately, they have gone.

They are disappeared. woosh, like a wind, if the exams has done. and it gone worse because in this exam, they really do not invite me to study group again or just read-together again. Yesterday exam, I really joyed my book(s) alone without sharing thoughts or anything. Little sad, but the things get worse because I have thought that they are my best friend, the clickest one in here :'(

I am broken, I am feel like envy anyone beside both of them. I should play with my-Jakarta-friends like a common used to. but I feeling pretty good shares my common thought and my stories to both of them. but I think they won't do that. They have their own group. You know, they are from high school in village and come hereby friends, they maybe think and feel that unpleasant to became a really friend to stranger here, stranger that they have know just for six months.

I just do not know what to say and do. I love both of them, they are sweet but lately I have gotten hurt because thinking about them. and a couple hours ago, I just know something that should one of them told me, briefly: important thing, from someone else! I have thought that they were considered me as a friend, but because some events and those hurt me, I noted that they just make me as a friend from boarding house which in a past have a chances to study together in a groups.

They took half of my brain-space, it was wasting my time. Became hatred was wasting to much time. I should find somebody else who really cares about me, who really joyed to spare a time to share and laugh and shopping together like best friends always do. maybe I should search someone special, or boyfriend. The lesson is: do not think to much, do not let your self in to much of something that none of your business.

I am tired being a kind person, a care too much person, and a excess-of-smile person. You can hate me now, because I am officially hate my self.

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