I Never Knew

I never knew that labeling would be so harsh like this. Because of it, people set high bar of yourself and make their expectation rise along with it. I never knew that people judge me that high until make me suffering like this. I wish I knew that before these happened.

I never knew that people could be so that sensitive, eventhough they are your closest friends. I thought that once you in friendship, you could share anything and talk about anything. I thought that friendship is about caring, understanding, without any feeling hurt.

I never knew that I am so that selfish and insensitive. I never knew that I am so egoist. I always thinking about myself and forget about how people’s feeling. I never thought that even your closest friend, they could get hurt as well. They have their own condition that need your understanding, caring, and they also need you to listen to their problems.

Because of my insensitiveness, egoism, and selfishness; many of my friends got hurt. But my pride always bound me to change and keep going with head up and mind think ‘I could live alone and strong without them. I do not need people who do not understand me’. But everything is wrong from the start.

Because, I never knew that I am not that strong. I never knew that there is a limit of me to hold things inside by myself. I never knew those things, before it happened.

If I could turn back the time, I would never have thought any of these things. If I were more open and more care about people, it would never happened. Now I know why people always left me.

People like me do not deserve to get happiness. I do not think I could maintain any relationship. Rather than make people hurt, it would be nice if I do not get involved any of them. The evil like me should stay quietly, and disappear. 

I never knew that it took me hard and had to make these decisions. But it will be good. For anyone and me.

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