Rest-in-memory One year college life in FEUI o:)

Well, the title has explained briefly that I have became a second-year-student in FEUI! Wow, time has gone sooooo fast! Two days ago, we-FEUI 2010- made a remembered tweets in twitter about memories in FEUI. I could not post my memories in there, because it will too much to explain in people's timeline. So, lemme sharing my experience here :) and I will explain those in Indonesian.
here we go... *brainstorming*

1. Pertama kali saat keterima di universitas Indonesia. Senyuman bangga seorang papa yang terukir di wajahnya, tangisan haru Ibunda karena nama anaknya ada di tulisan koran pagi waktu itu. Masih terngiang sesegukan haru tangis Ibunda :') hiruk pikuk keceriaan keluarga, anak sulungnya keterima di universitas hip di Indonesia. Mulasnya sakit perut saat liat pengumuman resmi di Internet, takut koran salah cetak, dan sujud syukur ternyata benar memang keterima di jurusan terkemuka di universitas Indonesia. Alhamdulillah.

2. Naik kereta AC Ekonomi dengan bahagia berbekal tiket tebet-depok bersama Ibunda, melihat tempat persinggahan yang mana yang bisa membawa suasana belajar yang kondusif buat anaknya. Turun di stasiun dengan bangga, jalan kaki menyusuri hutan depok, jalan ke dalam fakultas dengan rasa deg-degan, jalan kaki dari stasiun sampai ke kukusan teknik bersama Ibunda dengan semangat.. kenangan yang tak terlupakan. Kosan kartini yang murah tapi jelek, kosan enha yang penuh, alamanda yang waiting listnya kepanjangan, pokus yang wc-nya satu berdua, kosan tanpa nama yang dekat masjid, jalan sampai arah tulip tapi menyerah, dan akhirnya Ibunda tiba-tiba memilih kosan Pinky yang biasa saja dan langsung dp seketika, yang nantinya membawaku berkenalan dengan orang-orang baik di sini :') Subhanallah

3. Kenangan masa-masa OPK, Subhanallah, mengharukan :') apalagi kenangan bermain bersama mereka, selain mati-matian dalam perjuangan mengerjakan tugasnya. Kebersamaan yang mengikat kami, bikin kenal dan saling dekat walau terpaksa haha tapi dipikir-pikir jadi kangen juga. Masa-masa bareng mereka, denger becandaan dan jayusan yang sama setiap hari dari mereka. 12 orang yang bikin kangen :")

4. Perkenalan dengan sahabat-sahabatku dari kosan. yang satu dikenalin teman sesma, yang satu lagi teman satu kelas yang gue becandain dan katain, ternyata pas pulang ke kosan dia ada di kamar bawah-sedang buang sampah- :') mereka ikut gabung belajar bareng setiap mau ujian tengah semester atau akhir semester. curhat colongan di tengah kesibukan memasukkan berpuluh ribu kata ke dalam otak di satu malam. membeli makanan yang sama setiap dini hari bertiga.. kangen masa-masa itu. kangen perjuangan bertiganya :')

5. sibuk kepanitiaan, bertemu dengan orang-orang baru di kepantiaan. Economix, JGTC, KOMPeK, EPC, SRD, dan DocDays. menjadi anggota keluarga dari BOECONOMICA :') sungguh hal yang luar biasaaa ya Allah

6. Belajar dengan orang-orang hebat setiap harinya di kelas maupun di luar kelas. Banyaknya seminar yang di gelar, acara kepanitiaan yang bagi-bagi makanan gratisan, dan kegiaan pinjam-kembalikan buku di perpustakaan sungguh mengagumkan

7. stress karena padatnya kegiatan, satu per satu rambut rontok dan menyumbat kamar mandi setiap dua hari sekali. setiap hari menyapu kamar segenggam rambut terkumpul. pusing kepala yang menyerang setiap malam, kopi pengganti air putih sebagai doping agar mata mau bekerja sama dalam membantu mengerjakan tugas yang diberikan semua dosen.. tapi itulah seninya berkuliah.

8. nonton DVD bareng setelah ujian, pergi belanja di mall belakang, pulang pergi dengan bikun gratisan, naik abang tukang ojek, tiap hati ngelaundry ke rafino's, tiap jam makan pusing mikirin mau makan pakai apa dan mager yang sangat amat besar untuk pergi turun keluar kosan :')

9. Dalam seketika di kosan bisa mempunyai hamster, kelinci, dan kucing anggora bersama-sama penghuni kosan. Kucing anggora, obat penghilang stress dari tetangga sebelah kamar. Dan tau segala keburukan dan sifat aneh para tetangga kosan haha.

Yup! I think that was enough to tell here, the general place where people around Indonesia can read it. Whatever but I love this memories until I joy to share here. So maybe one day when I am a old lady, I can read this and will not forget this beautiful memories. Alhamdulillah.

Fail

Honestly I don't feel well. I do not know whether it because this problem. I think, I have two best friends in college life. Both are from my boarding house. We knew each other and related from the first mid-term test. It was a beautiful moment when we spent time together and struggled for raised the highest scores, against each other in peace, knowing each other scores and GPA. It was sweet, but I think, I'm too emotional and take it so seriously because this moment. I think, they just consider me as a study-friend, not a true friend. I was thought about that because lately, they have gone.

They are disappeared. woosh, like a wind, if the exams has done. and it gone worse because in this exam, they really do not invite me to study group again or just read-together again. Yesterday exam, I really joyed my book(s) alone without sharing thoughts or anything. Little sad, but the things get worse because I have thought that they are my best friend, the clickest one in here :'(

I am broken, I am feel like envy anyone beside both of them. I should play with my-Jakarta-friends like a common used to. but I feeling pretty good shares my common thought and my stories to both of them. but I think they won't do that. They have their own group. You know, they are from high school in village and come hereby friends, they maybe think and feel that unpleasant to became a really friend to stranger here, stranger that they have know just for six months.

I just do not know what to say and do. I love both of them, they are sweet but lately I have gotten hurt because thinking about them. and a couple hours ago, I just know something that should one of them told me, briefly: important thing, from someone else! I have thought that they were considered me as a friend, but because some events and those hurt me, I noted that they just make me as a friend from boarding house which in a past have a chances to study together in a groups.

They took half of my brain-space, it was wasting my time. Became hatred was wasting to much time. I should find somebody else who really cares about me, who really joyed to spare a time to share and laugh and shopping together like best friends always do. maybe I should search someone special, or boyfriend. The lesson is: do not think to much, do not let your self in to much of something that none of your business.

I am tired being a kind person, a care too much person, and a excess-of-smile person. You can hate me now, because I am officially hate my self.

Snipped from the tight time I had to write in this blog via my berry. Many events which I want to tell, wanted to write here but unfortunately I did not have any time or few energy to did it.
People, next Monday I will face my last exam which are accounting and statistical tests. I just try to not sleep this saturday and sunday, prepare very well for gain any information and lesson in the books, prepared for the hardest tests. Closed the second semester happily (amen)

Anyway, I faced many trouble in this term. I lost many best friends, I lost my GPA (I hope it will less than I expected), I loss many of hair in my head, I am stressful. I often anti-social nowadays. Do not know why, initially I just move away from my friends and prefer to not talk with them. That was happen two weeks ago, until yesterday. I have many tasks from my organization. It takes many times of mine. My study have became so mess. I can not explain further. I am in mess now. Just pray non-stop to God. For the better result in SIAK-NG

*honestly I do not want to talk about this topic. It goes wrong suddenly haha.

2nd war of regol in FEUI

You-know-what?
Yesterday at 7.00 pm or should I say, 6.56 shit pm, FEUI 2010 began the second war of virtual world in SIAK-NG a.k.a Regol. I have prepare for this one but because of fucking shit birpend who cheat opened the war 4 minutes earlier without any announcement, WE LOOOOSE!

What should I say? Should I not get short semester? I really mess up. I hate Regol.

Kate Middleton

Duchess of Cambridge

I am still normal and every woman in this world, envy her. Right? No, not to the reason that she can marry her duke, but on her wedding dress and her after party dress. I envy that dress. That silk, fall nicely on her body, the gown and tiara really fits each other. You know, I almost want to get married just because that dress! haha how woman I am.

1st May

Congratulation, body. You have succeded get life until 18 years old. Thanks for your support whenever situoation I got; sad, happy, sickness, anger, and anything feeling I have given for you, body.

Even I hate this day, I should be sorry for all things I have done for you. Even I won't born in this world, the fact is I am here, with you. So, I asking you, body, can we cooperate for a year and after? for my parents sake? I should be someone, someday, with somehow before you can leave me with peace. I robe you, hope we lucky this year.

Happy Birthday to me :)

Single Forever

Until now I have been girl whom always independent and doing anything with own hassle. and until this sound of ticking passed I still that girl, never think to change my mind until I old later. Why? Now I would explain my thoughts to you all, my readers, who willing to read my writing.

First of all. Boyfriend (of my thought) is someone whom willing to share his time, his life, his money, his.. everything based on his love for her girlfriend whom a girl love him with pure love and willing to be interfered and leaned on by her boyfriend.

So, the point is. I don't think I am in that level, which willing to be cared and caring for somebody else but my family. I am the person whom always solve the problem by own way. No need caring by someone special, I just need a friend or bed to lean me on. In Saturday night when couples busy with their romance, I busied with my tasks and my dvds. Playing with cat, flattery its. No need loving by someone special.

And then, I won't to be married because I don't like in a box. I hate seeing same face for a long time, take care of someone that (maybe) I love for loooong shit time. go to hell with for the thought like that. I want to see fullest of the world, don't wanna disturb by anything useless things but my family's.

But I'm still the ordinary human. Sometimes that shit feeling called love pass me by. And I just smile to faced that. For solve that feeling, sometimes I walked the streets alone and see the clouds above me, the scene of this world, its beautiful. Watching the people's faces, take not of their expression, their smiles. And then I sleep to close the day. After that, I'll back again to the normal feeling and forget about the love things. Easy as always.

Sum of all, I am sure of my decision. I will not marry anyone in this world (except Japanese and someone I waited for long times) and I just need my family, my friends, and the society. Especially cats to accompany me facing the hardest time of this worls.

From the unique one, for all those whom read this.

... .... ....

Bonjour.

I've done my mid test a couple hours ago which was held from a weeks ago. The last test was my main course, principle of accounting and I ended it with failure. After that, I ran to gymnasium to join the badminton exam which was just service one cock up and fall to 3 meters, but again, I ended it with 0 which is that means I can not get A for this subject.

What should I do? What should I do? I'm just too stress to think about tomorrow even the day after that. I'm just cry over and over, hoping that someone care for me and want to listen my story, but I knew that no one would. The pressure I got from two weeks are too heavy, My hair falls everyday in much number and I always sleep until the day changed because many things not complete done. My eyes get the panda mark since two weeks ago, and I couldn't bearing even avoiding to not cry. I always tell to my self that I can pass it away and success whatever hard it, but practically this is so hard.. what should I do?

Furthermore, I have no friend. That's true. Simplify, this 'friends' will shown around me about two weeks about midterm or final test come. If not? No one would come, no one would care about me. Just say Hi when passing by and just by did that, they way, nor me to awake our relation. Just that, fellow. And now all people know about my plan to not getting married ever. But still I'm interesting to find one the best boy around here but who wants to share his time for girl whom clearly will not give him future. Who? No one.

Do you think I'm the saddest people on the world? Definitely, Yes I am. I'm not ugly just a little fatty, I do smile everyone say hi to me, I do never hate someone, I do care for my friends (even they do not), I do love someone (the truth is no one love me) and I do study but not every night like people said, but why should I get this situation??

I don't know. I even don't have any money to face tomorrow. and my eyes.. like after punched by someone. Hurts.

give up, officially

Akhirnya gue putuskan kalau gue menyerah. Bener-bener menyerah terhadap satu hal yang selama ini gue perjuangkan mati-matian, yang banyak menghabiskan ruang otak gue untuk berpikir. Mau menyesal juga percuma, akhirnya juga cuma menghabiskan tenaga dan waktu aja. Dari dulu gue udah berusaha tapi akhirnya kalian tahu kan, kalau gue kembali dan kembali lagi mencoba yang nihil akhirnya. Karena kesibukan gue makin lama makin bertambah dan umur gue begitu, gue rasa ini adalah kebijakan yang tepat. Sampai ada waktu yang tepat, sampai gue bisa menemukan yang lain, insya allah nanti gue ceritakan di sini. Dan kalian tahu? Selagi dia menghilang, gue sibuk dengan kesibukan gue yang menumpuk dan menikmati indahnya waktu berjalan diselingi rasa iri dan kasihan pada teman-teman dan diri sendiri haha ironis tapi nggak sesedih yang kalian kira. Satu prinsip yang gue pegang, selagi gue bisa kuat dan sendiri, selagi nasi adalah kebutuhan gue, selagi ada teman-teman di samping gue, untuk apa menyesal dan menyedihi diri sendiri karena status?

Dan lagi, akhir-akhir ini gue sibuk dengan kucing anggora tetangga :') makin pengen pelihara nanti pas udah kerja (◦'⌣'◦)

Si loper koran dan aku

Tepat setelah gue sukses turun dari bikun sore ini, dengan langkah tergopoh-gopoh gue pengen banget nulis blog, karena ada satu kejadian yang pengen gue inget sampai nanti gue dewasa.

Setelah pulang dari kawasan barel, memanjakan diri di tempat rentalan komik dan minum kopi jalanan selagi menunggu fotokopian jadi, gue menuju kutek dengan bikun. sepi, karena memang sudah jam setengah enam sore yang kebanyakan masih kuliah. di samping gue, ada adik penjual tukang koran (jam setengah enam, wow). duduk di samping gue, dia berusaha merayu gue untuk membeli koran dia. gue nggak suka banget baca koran, karena bukan nggak mau, tapi karena nggak bisa bacanya dan suka ribet dengan ukuran kertasnya yang super besar. yang ingin gue ingat dan alasan mengapa gue nulis kejadian ini di blog adalah curhatan curian yang dilakukan oleh sang penjual koran selama perjalanan dari fakultas psikologi sampai kutek (singkat).

Penjual: kak, beli kak.. buat bayar spp sekolah saya..
Gue: wah, maaf dek. saya nggak bisa baca koran
P: (tiba-tiba curhat) saya belum bayar spp kak, makanya saya jualan koran
G: (bingung) bukannya sekolah udah nggak bayar ya dek? kamu sd kan?
P: saya madrasah kak, madrasah masih bayar spp. saya juga harus nahan sakit. saya punya asma
G: ya allah, pindah aja ke sekolah dasar, nanti kan jadi nggak bayar
P: tapi rapor saya di tahan kak, saya harus bayar spp dulu baru bisa pindah
G: emh yaudah, ada kompas nggak?
P: saya ambil koran dari teman, ini aja hasil jualan saya bagi sama teman saya. yang kompas ada di teman saya kak..
G: yaaah.. saya maunya kompas. kamu kalau begitu kapan bisa bayar spp-nya. emangnya perbulan berapa dek?
P: Rp 48.000,- kak. saya belum bayar dua bulan..
G: jadi, Rp 96.000,- ?? (astaghfirullah)

kejadian sebelum kumandang adzan maghrib, kejadian di mana menghentakkan hati nurani gue. rasanya pengen di bikun nangis saat itu juga, satu bikun ngedengar percakapan gue dan si loper koran, anak yang tangguh. nominal spp dua bulan yang terkadang buat kami-kami adalah angka yang biasanya sudah maklum keluar dari dompet dua hari sekali, sedangkan bagi dia, spp dua bulan yang memaksa dia menjual koran? terenyuh, sakit banget hati gue. kalau ada uang, mau banget gue ketemu madrasahnya dan langsung bayar uang spp-nya.. tapi..

pelajaran yang berharga sore tadi. gue diajarkan untuk berhemat dan tidak boros, saling memberi dan peduli. masih banyak yang miskin serta kaum papa yang patut di bantu. kalau anda bisa membantu mengapa tidak dari sekarang, minimal dengan membantu biaya sekolah mereka, memupuk masa depan mereka.. semoga kejadian seperti di atas dari tahun ke tahun, si loper koran makin berkurang di Indonesia. Amin ya Allah :')

Boredom

Setiap rumah ada atap yang membatasinya dengan langit, setiap air akan tumpah dari wadahnya bila melebihi kapasitas. sama seperti itu, gue kayaknya udah mencapai limit kebosanan, atap dari rumah dan kapasitas dari wadah untuk menulis. dalam berbagai arti, menulis adalah segala hal bagi gue, teman hidup gue. tapi rasanya gue harus berhenti sesaat mengingat gue bosan dengan hidup gue yang dari tahun ke tahun sama-sama aja. mungkin kalau kalian sempat baca blog gue dari awal hingga sekarang, ada beberapa postingan yang isinya kira-kira bisa sama dengan postingan sebelumnya, karena kehidupan gue memang itu-itu aja. dan parahnya, akhir-akhir ini semakin menjadi-jadi parah. nggak nyangka hidup perkuliahan gue bakal sama aja kayak hidup sd, smp, sma gue. walaupun udah berusaha mengubah dengan ngekos, tetep aja kalau orangnya berkepribadian begini ya hasilnya juga tetep begini :')

so sad but I think I'll hiatus again, for awhile until I find the best moment or moment that I can shared. Adios, muchos :*

Rifle Green

It tears me apart
The thought of you
I want to see you smile
At me

But you're too far
I can't reach
So I have to make
With what is here

It feels like you're summer
Though I should know it isn't true
Seems I have to get by
Till I forget about you

He hears me, He knows
He knows of the nights, the thoughts
He knows what your wry face means
He knows what it means to me

Still my heart hinges on hope
That you're mine
Though I know it isn't true
It can't be

So I will wait
Till time proves
That it is true
That you aren't mine