28.3.14

It hurts

Mom. I know I am so silly and bad. But I don't know that if I heard this kind of thing from people, it hurts me badly.

Mom. I was imagined my life that could be happy, live my own things freely without any hesitation and judgment from surround me. I shouldn't have to think what others thinking of me as long as I will deliver good things to them.

Mom. I thought that everyone was that kind and honest. There is not a glance to think that people will judge me so harshly like now.

Mom. You have told me that. But when it was happened to me, it IS really hurt. So bad.

But I know that from the start and I want to challenge my self, if I could find the place that accept my self as me, without me should use any poker face?

And I just got the result that this place is not the one I looking for. Not the one that could give me a freedom to think and deliberate things, to accept my own color mixed with them, reject creativity and bravery. I just wanted to try and just got the result that this one is not the one. But still after you engaged with them, you started to love the situation and comfortable with it. But I know that place is not the one... but I just felt so hurt.... rejected by this kind of thing.

One of them told me that I should go to a better place, to the fittest one with me and I should behave and adaptable with the situation more harder. Because still.. you are nothing. Nothing. You should be calm and read carefully the air to learn how to act.

Ah..... I should learn and move on. Because God already gave me this chance to learn first before involved with the real one. Because I have to success. I have to.

Semangat! :)

1.3.14

Old me

Looks like someone is having fun with his little heart falling in love with his new crush, his ideal type. And someone over here really got sick of it and wishing them a happy joyful relationship. I never knew that my imagination when I met her a long time ago and had a little chit-chat talking about him, and though that they maybe fitted together, now really happen that they DO together. for the sake of God, why you have to telling me before?

I don't know but he was really matters for me once and now I just wishing him happy. I do not know whether he will give me the invitation, if yes, so it must be a sad ending for my first love story, doesn't it? well, whatever.

--oOo--

Now going to the last month of being an intern, and I becomes more relax and enjoy the time I shared with them. But yesterday, when I was decided to (maybe I will accept the job offering), I read my write titled 'Last chapter and new hope' and I was shocked that what I just wanted to do really going reverse to my old self. and I feel so shame with that. because I forgot with my own promise and principle, I just come here without thinking twice and pessimistic.

So, I made a conclusion, a really better one.

23.2.14

YES!

Already two months being an intern and I am still haven't start my writing for the proposal yet. But I promise I will start it this week, because in Thursday I will attend campus meeting for internship proposal and I will set the due date for mine in Thursday, so I could propose my topic proposal to my professor in that day.

So, another busy week has been passed and many challenges I have been through. Thank God that I could survive until now and suprisingly, I enjoyed it. Not that much but still, I could do it more relax and calm.

For this week goal, I will set it for my internship proposal, exchange form and competition CV submitted. I do not want to waste my precious time only in internship but also my campus life. There's still many chances under my eyes and I could catch it soon. So, Wish me luck guys!

18.2.14

:"(

I, do not know, to whom I should share the story. but this feeling was really suck!
I never want to be neglected and be the second of the list, or to be pitied by others or something like that. I, am such a person who does not want to be just another people, I am very unique, if you realized it. But in here, yes, I just covered by others and I could not shine, spread my own color, and show them what I could do for them. In fact, they also do not want to believe in me and seems like just rely on the other intern. So you know, I was really sad with my condition. So stress. I feel inferior and not confident with my ability, anymore because of this. I really want to resign from this job but I really rely my internship report in this internship. Oh God.......................................... I wanna cry.

15.2.14

What you are up to?

At the time when you could hear Adzan voice in the evening, at that time you have to stop everything and anything you do and start to wash your face, hand, hair and feet (wudhu) to get a pray, in a Moeslim way, Shalat. But you know, I am bad at these kind of things and seems like I've often pray nowadays. Like today, my Mom scolded me because I was not stop my things when the Adzan finished. Even she asked me the words that puzzled me "My daughter, what are you looking for in this world?" and I just smile.

I just smile because I still do not know. I even have declared I do not want to be married and have a son/daughter. I even stated that I want to be alone, want to work, achieved a top of global company, rule the world and die in peace. But still, I don't know what am I up to until I dare to be someone like that.

It still puzzled me.

11.2.14

Strive back

Hi, boredom

I have to strive back any guilty and unlikely pleasant feeling of being employee. Now I have been working for a month and those feeling come over me, since my new team not really as enjoy as the old team, I now know what is the boredom feeling is.
Because not only happiness and sweet taste that could you taste in this life, my senior told me that the reality just come and I have to face it. As you have to know, I always complain and told my team to pull me back to their team. But they just told me those things above this line, that this is the reality, that I have to survive, that this is the internship. You have to taste the sweetness and bitterness being an employee.

A week in this team already taught me to more strong and be professional. I have to rely on my attitude because the attitude really makes a big difference if you are an employee. Not only just your technical skill and brain, you have to know when and how to response for any-case.

In Saturday, I was slept over in my friend’s board room. When we had lunch, we talked many things for the future, like we had to open our heart and be prepared for the wedding etc, ready for installment for car and apartment, future office and master. I have to be mature, that I am now growing and already not a child anymore. I should be prepared like from now.
I should not be a naïve in situation like this. I have to dare to face it. If I said I hate to be mature, yes I am. But this is the reality. This is it. What I should do is to find my path, the suit one with me so I should not strive and struggle much because of I enjoy it. And I knew that this one is not the one that I want to find.
I don’t know what happen in the next post. Just hope for the best.

20.1.14

2nd Week

Hi from Pangkal Pinang, everyone!
 
I just finished my second week working in here and first week joined in the second team as auditor of big goverment-owned mining company in this island. and one word that could describe my feeling as their VE is WONDERFUL!
 
I am writing this post actually on Monday morning, still have not take a bath because I just arrived from my overhour work in Sunday. The point is I don't get any hard feeling to work with them in Sunday because the team itself was really comfortable to work with. I really enjoy going out and help them. All of them is just like my own friends (just after two days met). After all, the-very-fast-adaptation of me was really dedicated from my very kind senior associate, assistant manager, my senior manager, and last but not least my partner: second associate of this team. They are really funny, friendly, kind, and generous.
 
I am so happy, they are really care of me. They let me to EAT any food available there and pick my own choice of snack and drinks, even after that they will make fun of me because I eat like a fat-pig (I don't know why my appetite getting bigger after join their team, from the previous one, I just so normal and eat like a princess :p). Just then, They teased me because I told them that I have a special friend in Japan and they didn't believe me, until check my handphone, teasing me like a baby. But....... I enjoyed it anyway because that's the way to get closer in short time, even you can value it as ineffective thing of client's fund but that's valuable to strengthen our work team.
 
I also learned many lesson of audit, communication, negotiation. etc. And I am still searching about my theme of internship report because so many task that I have already done but it just, hmm, not a big part if you want to jot them down in your final paper. Just, please, stay pray for my graduation in this year. I really want to set this internship session as serious one because it holds my future. the report ended and I want to sleep asap because this morning I will start my day with meeting with client in this island.
 
ciao!

12.1.14

1st week

Hey. I will post quick update about my intern life.

I was recruited to intern in one of big four of auditing firm and got oil and mining industries as our team client. my first client is a big multinational oil company which headquartered in main capital. Luckily, my first ever team was really great, they were so nice and gave me many advice related my final task for graduate. So, yes, I am so excited with my second team soon. I will meet my new team tomorrow and next week I will move to Bangka Belitung island to work at client's company (you can guess what company I get).

I can't wait!

4.1.14

Training start and end so soon.

Saturday. Thank god you make this day exist between seven days in a week. I found that I will get pleasure and me time only in this day, wherever I am, I will make my Saturday going productively and enjoyable. However, two days ago I joined my first ever training in my internship company (guess-where-it-is-like-everyone-should-has-already-known) and it's finished, wrapped up, with my head still have no idea what am I get from this latest day? But, truthfully, the latest trainer was mentored us like a speedy hell without any space in her/his words. And I bet from my observation with the trainees, most of them couldn't understand the whole program that had been taught. no blame and no offense. Those are just bold the remark that my time is reach its end, the day after tomorrow we will gather up in the office and meet our team manager and directly work soon with all of the stuff.

while I am still confused with my thesis topic, and my professor asked me to call him in Monday. I have to be strong enough  to face the wonderful Monday (6/1), later.

Cheers!

I already rent a room near my office with my friend. So in a mean time, I will move to Kuningan city. 
See what's life I will get on later :)

1.1.14

......

Hey. It's kinda tough lately, I have so much thought talking each other in my mind and it's a little crazy, I meant, I am crazy because stressful mind! You never know the only cure of this disease is motivation. Yes, motivation is enough to relieve your stress. Friend(s) in this case, help a lot! With their perspectives and thoughtful mind, information and sweet support could encourage you and boost your mood. I never knew that, finally, I really think I am so weak.

Even I had a conclusion that when I pay a visit to bookstore, please keep in your mind to find a good motivation book that could help me get out from this stressful minded. Yes, I am so pathetic lately. And finding some of my friends have been graduated, really really adding so much hurt but at the same time, striking me to do more faster and motivate me to more focus in my goal this year.

Uh, yeah. I have to go. Tomorrow is my first day being an intern. Wish me a tons of luck, guys!

P.S: Thank you so much for YOU, yes you whom care a lot and really like my writings until willing to visit my blog and read all of my writings. Thank you and don't forget to leave me a comment if you want to. Finding a way to keep maintain with you guys. I will write a lot from now on since many of you asked for it. Happy holiday and keep fighting!

Happy New Year 2014!

Tidak ada kata-kata yang tepat untuk menjelaskan betapa bersyukurnya gue atas kelimpahan rezeki, kesempatan, pengalaman dan pelajaran di tahun 2013 selain Alhamdulillah dan Terima Kasih. Benar-benar merupakan tahun terbaik dalam hidup gue. Di penghujung tahun, ternyata keluarga gue harus melewati masa-masa pergantian tahun dengan sedikit musibah: adik bungsu masuk rumah sakit karena gejala tipes dan mama harus sakit karena kecapaian dan salah makan. Jadilah malam tahun baru gue lewati sendirian di rumah dan sudah di atas kasur dari jam sepuluh malam. Bunyi terompet dan letupan kembang api di atas atap rumah menambah kegalauan dan kekesalan hati (masih terus mikirin skripsian dan magang yang nggak jelas kesimpulannya gimana). Jam 00.00 nggak sengaja kebangun karena suara gaduh luar biasa dari ratusan bunyi kembang api dan gue kaget (sekarang) apa yang gue lakukan pas bangun liat jam di screen handphone waktu itu: berdoa baca Al-Fatihah! (mungkin tekanan skripsi dan magang amat sangat luar biasa sampai mendorong sisi reliji gue jadi naik) dan kemudian kembali tidur.
***
Pagi harinya gue ada janji sama salah satu teman yang kebetulan juga magang dan skripsi, sama-sama keterima di perusahaan yang sama dalam periode yang sama, buat cari kosan bareng. Keliling daerah Kuningan selama empat jam, akhirnya kita nemuin kosan dengan harga "masuk akal", bersih, dan fasilitas lengkap. Walaupun nggak sebagus kosan yang deket kampus UI dan harga yang sangat mahal, semoga pengorbanan gue ini bisa membantu sedikit buat nambah motivasi menyelesaikan skripsi plus meningkatkan performa gue pas magang. Biar kena dua-duanya gitu, amin (bisa apa nggak ya?)
***
Apapun resolusi yang gue canangkan untuk tahun 2014, I do really really hope that I could be graduated in July 2014 whether with thesis or internship report. I do not care but I hope I could, at least, give my contribution to my university and my country with my last result as student.

Apapun yang akan gue lakukan setelah itu, gue janji gue akan menyempatkan waktu untuk mengunjungi Jepang atau Thailand/ Vietnam sebelum memulai jenjang karir, entah itu sebagai karyawan swasta di perusahaan konsultan, bank multinasional, perusahaan minyak asing atau pegawai negeri sipil di kementrian atau bank negara. Gue akan berusaha sekeras yang gue punya untuk membuat dan memilih jalan yang terbaik, biar kedepan gue nggak akan menyesal saat melihat kebelakang.

Apapun nanti, dan apapun itu, gue akan berusaha menjadi pribadi yang lebih baik. Yang terus berusaha belajar di setiap waktu dan detik gue lalui, entah melalui buku, kejadian, teman-teman, ataupun lingkungan. Apapun itu, gue pengen di penghujung tahun depan, gue bisa memiliki tabungan yang cukup untuk memulai hidup mandiri dan bisa kasih sedikit kebahagiaan ke keluarga, ke Papa dan Mama.

Apapun itu, pendidikan nggak akan berhenti sampai di sini aja. Gue yakin, tahun depan walaupun banyak yang harus gue lakukan, gue akan berusaha untuk menyicil keperluan serta dokumen biar bisa lanjutin studi gue ke tempat yang gue cita-citakan dari dulu, London.

Apapun itu, selalu ingat Allah dan lakukan Shalat lima waktu. Apapun itu. Karena sekeras apapun usaha dan niat, kalau yang diatas tidak memberikan ridhonya, Kun Fayakun, semuanya akan menghilang dan sia-sia. Jadi..... mari berusaha!!

Let's start our 365 pages in 2014 with full of happiness, joy and achievements! Bismillah!

26.12.13

Conclusion: I am gonna marry. In the future.

No. I am not kidding.

This year had taught me many things and I had learn how real life it is.
I do not want to be so naive and closed my eyes to the reality, that I am also a human and I need someone who cares me, a lot. Even more that my family and my friends. I want to have a future, I want to share my moments with people that I really care with.

In every aspects and sides that I want to criticize, I couldn't find any bad things in marriage and couples, besides some of them would face crazy moments sometimes because misunderstanding and lack of communication. But the rest, they have many joyful moments and live your life alone will not have so much fun if you compared it with moments of many people that shared those things, together.

And, wearing those beautiful gown, dress, seeing your groom besides you and kissed each other making a promise to live together until death comes in front of prelate and our parents, that so sweet. and having a baby? ha-ha.... I know it will be hurts so much and will disturb your path and your career but I can't lie babies is the most cutest things ever in this world followed by kittens and puppies.

I am just could not find any reasons to deny my destiny to be a bride in the future. I also feel that it will be such a hell if I just live by myself for many years, it will so horrible. I, probably, will be a crazy single woman whom need many love and thirsty of guy. So dirty.

And it just so wrong in my religion perspectives.

Hah.... what should I say. I have to more be realistic person and try to, yah, find him.

 yes, I can not believe what I typed here.