Counting days to my born day. I feel so thankful of the blessing that God have given to me until now.
I have tried many things in these four years. Organizations, experiences, competitions, events, parties, companies, and friendship. I was like a jumping-ant, going here and there without clear objective and lack of integrity. I have wasted much time and energy, but its turned out nothing. So I am here, standing in zero point like doing nothing in these all year. Pretending as it was not is so desperately, because I don't know why I have to become someone like this.
My relationship life is worse. I lost my everything to her (soon). And my best friends turns out not as just ordinary friend that even could not remember my birthday and always forget about me. my relationship with family is not as good either. Total chaos.
Sometimes I felt so thankfully if I had to work over hour, because I was needed to complete the job. No one needed me to be around them, in fact. I just pretending happy and everything is okay, but in inside, they are just so mean to do those things...
I am thinking to live by myself again and give up on marriage things (again). Relationship is hard to accomplish. Human is so hard to handle.