26.12.13

Conclusion: I am gonna marry. In the future.

No. I am not kidding.

This year had taught me many things and I had learn how real life it is.
I do not want to be so naive and closed my eyes to the reality, that I am also a human and I need someone who cares me, a lot. Even more that my family and my friends. I want to have a future, I want to share my moments with people that I really care with.

In every aspects and sides that I want to criticize, I couldn't find any bad things in marriage and couples, besides some of them would face crazy moments sometimes because misunderstanding and lack of communication. But the rest, they have many joyful moments and live your life alone will not have so much fun if you compared it with moments of many people that shared those things, together.

And, wearing those beautiful gown, dress, seeing your groom besides you and kissed each other making a promise to live together until death comes in front of prelate and our parents, that so sweet. and having a baby? ha-ha.... I know it will be hurts so much and will disturb your path and your career but I can't lie babies is the most cutest things ever in this world followed by kittens and puppies.

I am just could not find any reasons to deny my destiny to be a bride in the future. I also feel that it will be such a hell if I just live by myself for many years, it will so horrible. I, probably, will be a crazy single woman whom need many love and thirsty of guy. So dirty.

And it just so wrong in my religion perspectives.

Hah.... what should I say. I have to more be realistic person and try to, yah, find him.

 yes, I can not believe what I typed here.

Merry Christmas and Keep Calm for Thesis!

Final exam finished. Final paper finished. Organization will be finished in one month (yup, even there's still many responsibility that we have to finish). And the best part is holiday is in my hand.

I am already in holiday mode for five days, while trying to fill up this rest time with a little part-time in my campus, being a watchdog while the rest of students still have subject in their final exams. So, despite that I am already in holiday, I am still going and back to my campus, routinely. You know, it's such a relief that in fact, I am running from the reality that there's a big thing that I have to solve: THESIS.

Yes. Thesis. this one word already haunted me for a month, in my dream and in every thought that I had while I am not thinking any busy things. How come I become such a coward person like this? I have a very big plan and idea about how my thesis would be and who will be my professor, but when it comes, I just can't work it, when it hits its time, I am just delay it like forever. And I am afraid that I could not make it for next semester. I am so scared......

that the fact is I already signed my contract to be an intern with the most busiest auditor firm in this country, and I know that I will have less time to spend my time to focus in writing thesis. I should just say to myself that I could do this but I do not know why.......... I always think I can not do this and change my mind about writing this thesis.

But this thesis is one of things that could help me to gain many things in my next year plan. I have to bear with THIS THING for this semester. Whatever reasons that could come, I can handle this! For the sake of my career and my success in the future. Oh my god, please hold on your self, you can not just give up like this!!

(to be honest, today I supposed to call my professor because I promised to him to discuss about my new topic in phone but I am just can not. I think I have to be more prepare, so I will postpone it for couple of days, and will call him in January. I want to make my self more comfortable and ready with these things. I have to prepare, I have to ready. I have to have no weakness and strong when speaking with him, so he could think that I am ready with these things. And then he will allowed me to use this topic and do this things, confident with it. yes.)

I need a little time to prepare. my heart and my mind. my will and build my motivation.

****
So, a day after Christmas and couple of days before new year eve. I do not know what kind of plan I have in that eve, but I hope it will be fun and full of meanings. While I am running from the reality that I have to write my thesis, I am thinking about my plan next year. Considering that next year is very important year for me, many tough decisions that I have to make. Very very important year. 2014, so dangerous.

I know that fact. But two days already wasted for watching korea drama: Reply 1994. You can tell how stupid I am. Yes.. you don't have to tell me, I already knew.

But I want to fix it. I want to write my plan. Just hoping for I can execute them.

at the end, no matter how rough our path, believe that we can make it to the end. Just do not give up and keep think optimist! because God never give you a problem that way bigger than your capability, God knows it and you just have to bear it, and believe it. So, Merry Christmas everyone whom celebrate it! And can not wait to New Year post!

Ho, Ho, Ho! Fellas, May the miracle of Christmas  fill your heart with warmth and love. Christmas is the time of giving and sharing. It is the time of loving and forgiving. Here’s wishing you all the joys of the season.
Merry Christmas to Everyone!

22.12.13

December!

Okay, I will make it short since I already wasted my time because do not how to make a good essay for my final paper, and now already the time to make it into real essay (but still escape from that and write in my blog).

I would like very thank you for my self *respect your own self, it's important* and of course my parents because of their blessings and support could make me through all of these obstacles. I just had a very wonderful year in my life!

I was turning into 20 this year, with received so much love and prays from my family and friends. and I also have ended my last year in bachelor study this year (and I hope I could get straight A's for the result). And the most achievement is that I can participate in international conference and nailed international competition not so long ago (yeah!!) those already written in my bucket list and I fulfilled it with many efforts.

I also (finally) stepped my feet in SOUTH KOREA! backpacking with my best friends, experienced the country and do extraordinary things while in there. Also I experienced my first flight this year to Singapore and Malaysia (for free) and attended many international exhibition. I do not know but my Japanese friends this year add so much and I hope it is the signal for me that my dream to go to Japan more closer by the end of this year.

Like a couple days again I will end this wonderful year and start my new journey in 2014, I want to utilize it properly. I want to plan my next year so carefully so I won't disappointed when the year has been passed.

and just for a sneak peek, what I want to achieve and through in 2014:

1) Direct hiring from my internship company
2) Finish my thesis in May 2014 with unique topic and strong defence
3) Graduated in July 2014
4) Visit Japan in August 2014
5) ASEAN bacpacking (solo or trio) in October 2014
6) Working and working~
7) November 2014 start my own business
8) Got a scholarship invitation at the end of 2014


can I do all of that? I HOPE I COULD!! SO MUCH NERVES AND I WANT TO SLEEP JUST THINKING OF THEM. many things to do and just have a little time, oh no.

God please be with me :')