19.9.13

Virus

Lagi. Aku rasa aku kehilangan pegangan, juga arah tujuan.
Bukannya aku lemah atau tidak berdaya, tapi sosok dirimu memang bersinar paling terang dalam kegelapan jati diriku. Memandangmu memberikan aku kekuatan untuk hidup dan bermimpi. Setiap katamu selalu membuatku terperangah, takjub akan rangkaian logika dan asa yang kau torehkan di setiap langkahmu.
Dan itu semua bagaikan virus bagiku, menular, dan merusuk ke sanubariku.

Hingga aku tidak bisa melupakanmu, semua gerakanmu.

ketika kamu hilang, aku benar-benar tidak tahu harus kemana.
aku benci mengakui kalau aku lemah tanpamu. aku terus membohongi isi hati bahwa aku kuat, aku tegar. tapi mataku terus mencari sosok rapuh-tapi-kuat mu disetiap langkahku menyusuri kampus. jejaring sosial terus memberikan kabar terbarumu yang heroik. hati kecilku terus teriris, betapa lemahnya.

aku terus berusaha melupakanmu. terus sangat berusaha keras.
karena yang aku ingat bahwa menggapaimu hanyalah bisa bila aku bisa menjadi wanita hebat pula.
dan aku sadar, bahwa diriku yang saat ini masih sangat jauh dari kata hebat, tidak pantas disandingkan dengan dirimu.

mungkin, ini hanyalah posting curhat sementara. karena malam ini dirimu sangat luar biasa.
aku terjangkit virusmu lagi. lemah seketika.

5.9.13

You called it

I am just human. You are also a human, so you whom read my writing right now do not have a right to judge me as a naive human or so-ever you call me. I just want to express my feeling right now cause if I tweeted this, I just make my beloved followers timeline flooded with my shitty bullshit things. Yes, I am not in a very good mood but I am very in a passionate energy. Yes.

This evening when I just came back from campus, the day was fulled with tough discussions with my best friends. One of them talking about ex-boyfriend and love life and the other one talking about travelling and principle (which is the toughest one). I feel like, what a things to be discussed after class, but this is the time that rare time to talking those themes with them. After talking from A to Z, I realized that I need something to change myself, which is the only one who have it is me. I know, I have to take an action to make my plan to become true so I will not always full of regrets in the rest of my campus life. Since in their conversation, I always look that they have something that I do not have it yet and I want it (yes, this thing that you called ego), I want to be perfect as I can, I want to make my life more better than now since I do not know that mine can called as good if compare with some of my friend's life.

Now I promise. Plan, action, and learn. Remember this is the golden chance that you won't miss it :)