30.12.10

Plan B of my dreams


all of them are things i needed to get my carrier better. the important one is the last, the certified to make clearly about my accountant carrier and i can open my office as public accountant if i had that one :)
after that, i can work as accountant in E&Y or PWC which are the big five accountant company in the world. my dreams are high and impossible, but why not to make them one? being imagine this things really made me happy and more energetic to more attractive in college :)

29.12.10

My dream!



Diri gue buat bangsa gue, negara gue yang indah, walaupun perekonomiannya bobrok, seenggaknya gue bertekad masuk memperbaiki ke salah satu pilar terkuat di negara ini, Bank Indonesia. Doakan saya kawan, dari sekarang jalan gue mulai berubah, tapi tetap selangkah dekat menuju bakti gue ke negara tercinta. walaupun cinta gue nggak harus diwujudkan dengan menjadi duta besar :') Bismillah!

HOLIDAY

Sayonara, Final exam. Hollaaa, HOLIDAY!!
until the seventh February, i'm available :*


the biggest F word for my understanding business score! F, you! F, you! scratched my holiday, my first day holiday!! shit!

24.12.10

X-mas eve

All day long i had spent almost my time in here for what? prepare the last exam, 9 sks in 2 main subject. After this long punishment, i'll party with my old friends :) what a nice plans. i hope i will get more adds for my pocket, because you know, hang out means money out. aaargh i can't wait!

anyway, i will celebrate Christmas eve today because 70% boarders in pinky are christian. so, i'll join to catch up many cakes and coke here. Once more; Happy Christmas for everyone!! Hope santa got something nice to you

20.12.10

Matekbitch! Shit!

Ada baiknya setelah kalian berusaha keras, langsung aja berikhtiar dan berserah diri untuk hasilnya. Apapun entah itu akan menghasilkan yang baik atau yang buruk.

Contohnya seperti gue sekarang, habis UAS matekbis, cocokin jawaban dan ternyata jawaban gue banyak salah. paling nyesek pas bagian nomor terakhir, salah semua karena salah masukin fungsi doang. entah bagaimana nasih matek gue, padahal gue cuma bisa mengandalkan matek aja (karena gue anak ipa).

baru tau salahnya tadi pas ngitung ulang, emang dasarnya nggak teliti aja. udah besar kepala nganggap soalnya gampang. banyak banget pelajaran buat gue di UAS semester pertama ini. Harusnya gue bisa maksimal tapi nggak bisa karena banyak faktor, salah satu faktornya ya dari diri gue sendiri ini.

Intinya gue berserah diri aja lah, Wallahu alam. kalau dipikirin juga, nggak akan selesai-selesai. Adanya juga gue makin stress, ya kan? nggak usah nandingin temen satu kosan deh, komaaa. udah pasti lo yang paling begoo! (maaf ngomong sendiri)

Stress. Stress. Bobot 20% hilang begitu saja, karena salah nulis.
yaudah, insya Allah masih ada 3 lagi; Akuntansi, Statekbis, sama MPKT (2,3,6)
bismillah: semoga akuntansi lancaaaar kayak air, amin.
lancar dan telitiii, amin amiin. doakan yaaa.

ps: udah lama nggak ngeblog, nanti pas liburan bakal gue ceritain semua hal yang menarik di kampus :)

7.12.10

Hurt

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today, ooh, ooh

I would hold you in my arms, I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done, forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do to hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you but I know you won't be there

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye when it comes to this, ooh

Would you tell me I was wrong? Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me? Are you proud of who I am?
There's nothing I wouldn't do to have just one more chance
To look into your eyes and see you looking back

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, oh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away

Oh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself
By hurting you



by Christina Aguilera
***


i cried yesterday while singing this one. it lyrics was so fantastic sad, make me remember my dad whom in hospital because get sick. alhamdulillah, now he is fully recovery :)

5.12.10

My coffee is my toxin, but i love it

..Kafein menghambat enzim-enzim yang digunakan dalam pembentukan memori, dan pada akhirnya menyebabkan hilangnya memori. Telah ditunjukkan bahwa kafein menghambat enzim fosfodiesterase, yang terlibat dalam proses pembelajaran dan perkembangan memori.. -headlineindonesia.wordpress.com
or i will translate that my lovely caffeine is somehow can obstruct my memories and finally affect to a lost memories. you know, in my lately post i've been talking about "i felt weird because i had forgotten all my memories in old days when elementary and now, in junior high school". I'm just remember some people which is really keep in touch with me.

i really love coffee since elementary school. i always drink that chemical thingy after school ended. what it called, pop iced blended. in junior, i cut the coffee with mango juice everyday and made me healthy -mom's said. in high school, i came back with that brown liquid and in love last one year because i met up with national exam and simak ui which was need my full attention, focus, and strength. i need the coffee, everyday.

my mom, idk why but never stop me to  pick the coffee in stores, never blame me for drink it every morning like a granddaddy or grandmommy. and i realize what i'm doing now. i knew the consequence(s), i knew it. i love my life, my flat life :) but idk about my future. and i just love the way i drink that brown liquid everyday. i just love every seconds i waste when i drink that toxin. i don't feel the sick now, maybe five or ten years later i will be in bed, one of the consequences i knew before.

now on my mom angry if i mixed the coffee in kitchen every morning, idk why she angry now. it's too late. i am addict with it. i can't leave with it. i just love my toxin until i die. i should warn you that others things that you should move away was coffee but cigarettes and alcohol and drugs. coffee is more devil than you thinking before. it kills you second by second. sweet, isn't it?

the problem is, i am cry. i love my life but i don't know that the affect of my little coffee shown up this fast. i don't know, but just don't take me this five years. i wanna finish my assignment, fulfill my promises with my parents, seeing my sister grown up and has a boyfriend. my chocolate things made me sick.

but i can't turn away. i meet it everyday. in every menu that showed front of my face. in every cabin that house had. in my dorm, my room, and now presented in my glass accompany me doing the resume for tomorrow. oh god, what should i do? :(

4.12.10

Galau

Cuma di sini tempat di mana gue bisa dengan nyaman cerita dan berbagi perasaan, kehidupan sehari-hari gue, dan hal-hal yang gue nggak bisa lakukan dengan kondisi saat ini. Tiba-tiba tadi, rasanya, gue pengen banget ngetik dan cerita perasaan gue sekarang, perasaan anak labil dan galau di hari sabtu, sendirian di kosan, nggak tau mau ngapain selain belajar buat UAS minggu depan.

Hari ini ulang tahun salah satu teman gue di kosan. dan kerjaan gue sekarang menunggu dia pulang bersama geng temannya (yang berkomplot bareng gue) buat ngasih surprise. Sambil nunggu di kamar, tiba-tiba, muncul perassan sedih galau gue, tentang hal hal suprise haha.

Kalian tau? gue sekarang masih tujuh belas tahun, dan di Indonesia, tujuh belas tahun itu berarti banget. Karena di umur segini, menurut gue, ulang tahun yang ada berbeda dari biasanya. Sweet seventeen gue sangat sangat biasa. no surprise, no party, no cake. nothing :) rasanya sedih banget. harusnya gue nggak sesedih itu, karena biasanya hari ulang tahun gue sama aja kayak hari biasa di dalam hidup gue. bedanya cuma ada ucapan selamat ulang tahun aja.

gue suka banget berada di antara keramaian. di mana gue merasa kalau gue itu ada. nggak kayak sekarang, di kamar sendirian. kalau di saat saat begini, gue merasa kalau gue mati sekarang nggak akan ada yang peduli. karena gue bukan apa-apa, bukan siapa-siapa dari siapapun. gue kenal banyak orang, dan mereka kenal gue. tapi itu semua nggak ada gunanya. karena mereka bukan siapa-siapa gue. itu kerasa banget. dari dulu hal itu selalu ada dalam kehidupan gue. di mana 'mereka' ada saat mereka butuh gue atau gue butuh mereka. tapi di saat nggak ada urusan atau hal hal yang mendesak, mereka menghilang kayak angin. lewar kayak angin.

kata seseorang, gue butuh perhatian. haus perhatian. and yes i do. is that wrong? gue rasa enggak. masa lalu gue cukup kelam sehingga bisa buat gue jadi kayak gue yang sekarang. dan semuanya bisa gue jalani dengan lancar, alhamdulillah. gue cewek tangguh. seberapapun sakitnya hidup di sini, tersenyum di sini, gue akan berusaha sebaik-baiknya. cuma, terkadang di hari sabtu, ada saatnya gue merasa down banget, flash back apa aja yang udah terjadi, mengingat hal hal nggak enak dan semacamnya. huft.

kemaren gue jalan bareng kelompok salah satu teman gue. dan rasanya.. menyenangkan tertawa lepas setelah sekian lama nggak ada yang bisa membuat gue ketawa kayak gitu. rasanya beban tiga bulan di sini hilang seketika. perut gue sampai melilit. nggak ada hal menjaga image yang gue lihat di sana. benar-benar kemurnian pertemanan. (nah teman gue yang ulang tahun datang-- sebentar..)

oke. lanjut. kalau ketemu hal-hal begitu, jadi kangen teman SMA. nggak juga sih, cuma di SMA rasanya teman akan seenggaknya ada karena lo duduk di tempat yang sama, dengan teman sebangku yang seenggaknya akan ada di situ, mendengarkan keluh kesah lo di sela-sela pelajaran yang kalau didengarkan juga nggak penting-penting banget.

kalau di kuliah ini, jangan harap ngobrol. gue berintropeksi diri untuk tidak mengobrol di sela-sela kuliah karena setiap kata yang keluar di mulut dosen lo walaupun dia keliatannya sedang bercanda sekalipun, itu ternyata bisa aja keluar di ujian akhir semester lo! itu bedanya dengan kuliah. sedangkan, saat di dalam kelas itu lah, saat di mana gue merasa mereka ada. yaah whateverlah sekarang.

gue cuma bisa berharap gue akan bertahan di sini. perasaan galau gue ini mudah-mudahan cepet ilaaaang. rasanya jadi pengen tidur.

ps: gue belom cerita tentang film doc days ya? JGTC juga belom? iya ya.. gue juga pengen cerita tentang seminar hebat yang gue datangin, Kompek gathering, Akuntansi gathering, daaan Gossip Girl :) banyak ya